Things To Think On; or not?

The wise and pompous among us often have been heard to say “I call a spade a spade. Call em as I see em”; really irritating I find it; dont you? I mean how do you know a spade is a spade? It may have yearnings to be a spoon both have similar functions. Have you ever wondered why that teaspoon on your saucer has a wistful look? Maybe it wants to be a shovel? You just dont know.
How is it that a cheese grater makes the cheese greater? it has, after all, been diminished to something less than the block it once was; sadness must rule here rather than greatness.
How can a recipe for chicken surprise actually surprise you? Of course you could just follow the recipe and not look at the tittle. It would be much more of a surprise if an enraged marsupial leapt out of the meal and throttled your cat. I could be wrong; it happened once before.