The Dance of the Seven Mock Chicken Slices is an exotic romantic dance performed by unwed males every Mock Chicken Tuesday in England. It is a rare and moving tribute, paid by men, to the Goddess of the earth beseeching her to bless them with a woman of their own to cherish.
No one is actually sure whether the goddess answers or not. However, many a dancing/stripping male, as the last slice is removed, has been known to collapse in a quivering heap of unseemly. . .unmanly emotion. Some claim to have seen the goddess, and others claim to have beheld future brides whilst the unlucky few gaze upon a barren wilderness.
None of this, of course, can be verified except via anecdotal or wishful evidence. Yet none can deny the serene beauty of this dance. Frenzied onlookers cannot resist nibbling at the discarded slices and many shed sympathy tears for desperate appellants. Yet amid the cries of Strip! Strip! Strip! there is a genuine sense of something inspirational happening.
Next time you find your self roaming around the those Britannic Isles hankering for something special seek out those few desolate places that still witness the dance on every third Tuesday after May Day right up to Muck-spreading season. Take a handkerchief to wipe away tears and two slices of bread and butter to catch the falling mock chicken slices.