This morning I quietly got out of bed and without looking back grabbed my clothes and went downstairs. As I did all this I was thinking that my dear, hard working, wife could languish a while longer in bed. It occurred to me that if she was fortunate enough to wake, during said languishing, she would realise it was raining. She would smile happily then burrow deeper in the warmth and enjoy the rain.
There are few better ways to enjoy inclemency than from the womb like luxury of a dream soaked bed.
Having exited the bedroom I made my way downstairs with a skillfully crafted smug look of‚ “What a considerate husband I am”. (I have a whole drawer full of smug looks all tailored to different situations.) However, that smug look was wiped from my countenance when I spotted my wife at her computer chatting to our son. She was not tucked up in bed after all thus causing a confused state in this male, as if I am not plagued enough by those already.
Just moments ago I was convinced that I had left a snug wife cozy in bed yet here she sat. . . or was this a replica of her placed here all perky and fresh by alien invaders. Did I greet this woman with a “Good morning” or, perhaps, a hug, a demand to be taken to her leader? Do I cast her out as an evil pod-person quietly insisting she never darken my door again?
Alternatively I could just ponder how it is that she can sneak out of bed early leaving me cozily unaware; yet, if I as much as roll over she is instantly awake wanting to know where I am going?
Cleverly I chose to side step the pain and refer to my “How to handle a Woman” manual. It only has one page and was written by my goodly wife when she realised that men, despite training, would always be on the cusp of confusion and mayhem. In this state said male would be more likely to make the wrong decision and fail dismally.
Clutching my tome I smiled beatifically and I read the one sentence on this one page manual. I knew that all would be right with the world there before me was the answer.
Any idea what that sentence might be? Remember this is a manual written for beings that never read manuals and is about on an incredibly complex subject‚ “Women”.
Contact me let me know what you think that manual said.