First Topic: They say tonight’s temperature will drop to minus xoxth degrees celsius that is with the wind-chill factor. Tomorrow as I wend my weary Wicksicle way around the hub of my working universe the seasoned Canadian, in a tough butch manner, will ask the time honoured question of “Cold enough fer ya?” It is an annoying question that really irritates the shite out of me when I am so bloody cold. Just shut the fuck up and endure the fact that ones nuts have shriveled up to somewhere near your chest. The only comment worth issuing forth from ones lips, on such days, are string of really obscene and perhaps sinful expletives.
Next Topic: I have solved the problem of being tired of ones own reflection and the need to coif, primp and preen. I have covered every mirror with a picture of a different male celebrity. In time I shall forget what I look like and start insisting I give autographs everywhere I go. Currently I look like Johnny Depp and Mahatma Gandhi.
Last Topic: Is spontaneous combustion really as illuminating as people say it is? If so, is it then right to take a friend that is given to such propensities just to light ones way when spelunking?